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Nirvana Now!               
Original Works Written By Women Who Are
At Different Phases In Their Healing
INSIDES
Choosing Inner Peace For You
TO YOU

Over forty years and what seems like
forty million tears
I've hated you with every painful cry...
For the thing to which I couldn't say
goodbye
   There was an innocence lost and
you knew
all about it because you were there;
you took it and you never asked; truth
is;
You couldn't ask because it should
have never been yours for the asking
or the taking
   Over forty years and I'm still mad, still
sad,
still wounded, still grieving for
something I lost before
I even knew I had it; I bet you don't
remember it like I
remember; truth is you act like it never
happened;
Like a robber who steals once and
refused to call
himself a thief
   You are guilty to the "I don't know
how may
time" degree; over Forty years and I'm
still mad.
YOU continued

   As careful as mothers and fathers are,
you slipped by them; why would they think such a
thing
from you; kids outside playing and one
disappears for
a little while; we played hide and go seek a lot
back
then.

   I wish I could tell mothers and fathers what
evil lurks behind the trees and under the beds.
I watch now like I wish they had watched then; I
watch
now and I don't even have children.

   I've been watching for over forty years and
through every one of those Forty million tears;
innocence lost before I even knew how to spell
the word; so much time, over Forty years and I
am still sad.

   
TO YOU again

   Six years old and there was no alert
back then; too young to know what was
happening
   No little girl should ever know what
"that thing"
is until it's time for her to know what
"that thing" is.
   By the time Aunt Flo began making
her
timely visits, you had already become a
timely,
uninvited intruder; over forty years and
through
forty million
tears I have asked myself over and over
again-
   Why did I think I had done something
wrong, why was I so Afraid; Forty years
and
through so many, many tears, I am still
the
walking wounded.
Back TO YOU

   One bad decision on your part
started a
train wreck of decisions for me;
long before I
knew what it meant to be a good
girl, a good
student, or a good person.
   I missed the things that I didn't
know I was suppose to have; high
self-esteem, a full
participant in the shaping of my
identity, the
right to say to "no" to all those
future you's.
   I've thought long and hard over
the past
forty years and through every one
of those forty
million tears and against my every
desire, I am
still grieving.
Forty Acres and A Tear
                            written by Michelle Lynn Furr
Forty Acres and A Prayer
                          written by Michelle Lynn Furr
                        TO YOU

   You had not right to do what you did
and I've been mad for over forty years
and
through, I'm sure what must have been,
forty million tears, but it is time to put
the
madness behind me
           YOU continued

   You never once said that
you were
sorry; perhaps that was my
fault because I
learned to forgive. This
sadness I will put
behind me.  What saddens me
now is that
there are so many you's out
there and even
more me's.
                        TO YOU again

   I've carried the scars and the
wounds
as freshly opened sores for over forty
years
and cried through forty million tears;
limped
through life believing myself incapable
of
trusting and loving. God has sewn the
wounds shut.
             Back TO YOU

 Your decision, my life.  How
unfair of you.
I have grieved for so much, for so
long; for
over forty years and through
every one of
those forty million tears, but I will
grieve no
more.  I won't grieve anymore for
me and I
cannot grieve for you.  If you want
to give
something back to me, then find
the promise and hope that I have
found and get your life together.
Michelle has donated a collection of her poetry as a fundraiser for SA PATH for $5.  If you would like to purchase
a copy of her original works, send payment to P.O. Box 2444; Toledo OH 43606 or
please click here.
It's gone now...the pain I mean.  It's unbelievable how, given time, one can rise from the pits
of hell and suddenly find themselves seeing the future.

I didn't fall and hurt myself.  I'm not talking about the kind of pain others can see. You know,
a bandage, crutch, wheelchair. No, not like that. Worse.  

I'm talking about the kind of pain no one can see.  The kind of pain one hopes would disappear,
like a broken leg.  At least then you know in 6-8 weeks it'll be over.  

No. This pain is far worse.  There's no end to it.  You don't know when it will be over.  You
can't Surgery it out. Cry it out. Drug it out. Nor Therapy it out. It leaves on its own
terms...just like it came.  

But..when you least expect it, in the mist of probably another chaotic situation in your life,
when you're not paying attention to it. It leaves!  Thank God!...I thought it would never end.  

I doubted there would ever be a day I could wake up without a weight on my chest. I doubted
I could ever have a day when IT didn't cause me to wonder off in thought.  Cry. Feel physical
pain. Even heart pain.  It's wonderful to go through the day, have a painful memory and IT
doesn't ruin the rest of my day, week or month.

So many experiences missed because of pain. Paralyzing pain. Pain that would not allow the
beauty in anything to shine. Pain that causes you to separate from everyone.  Those lost
experiences can never be recaptured.  But even this acknowledgement brings no additional
pain.  Thank God! There's Hope. Understanding. Focus on a bright future. Happiness.
Worthiness. Adventure. Love. True Love. You know the kind of love that sustains. The love that
accepts you and you don't worry about being accepted.

                                           The Pain is Gone. Thank God
The Pain Is Gone Now
                        written by CeCe Norwood
I'm you now...directed, relaxed, loving, supported, concerned, detached.

I'm wondering if at some level you have to be detached in order to
survive your personal life. It's a struggle. You desperately want the
romantic, intellectual relationship promised but each time you try all
hell erupts.

It's hard to be loving AND distant.  It must take practice.
Payback
                      written by CeCe Norwood